Lessons From Infertility, Labor, C-Section Delivery & Personal Growth
Last week, I took my son to get an X-ray on his growth plate. In November 2020, during the week I got Covid, my husband was hit by a car AND my son broke his arm. Let's just say that it wasn't the best week ever for the Zaffino's!
The Children's Hospital is attached to the Women's hospital and as we left our appointment (with a clean bill of health) I realized that we were about to walk by the triage door for Obstetrics - I hadn't been there since May 21, 2014. Seeing that door brought a wave of overwhelming emotions and I didn't truly know whether to laugh or cry! I remembered how scared I was as I held on to the garbage can for dear life and my husband filled out paperwork. Memories of immense pain, worry, fear, strangers and emergency alarms stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away.
Just as I felt the trauma sizzling in my cells, I heard Jaxon's voice: "What, mama?"
As I looked down upon his blonde, almost 7-yr-old-head and those big blue eyes - the same eyes that looked up from my chest and into mine after the team and I delivered him via C-birth - I remembered the most powerful affirmation in my toolbox: I AM HERE. And as I snapped out of my trance I said to him: "It's just that you and me. - we've come a long way, baby! You wanna get donuts?"
And he didn't, but he did want cupcakes and they were delicious.
My baby turned 7 yrs old this weekend. I never expected to be the mom of a 7-yr old. Part of this is because I can't believe I'm that old , but more of it has to do with the bargaining one does throughout the infertility process. Not knowing if I could get pregnant led to bargaining to at least have one positive test. Not knowing if IVF would ever work for us led to bargaining for at least one more cycle. And when I did finally become pregnant, the only time I was ever pregnant, I bargained internally - at least let me have him for a little while...
It's been 7 yrs of all of the things that come with parenthood, but this year will be different. I choose to let go of the bargaining. I choose to trust that he is my son and I am his mother and so it is. I choose to trust that we are together even when we are apart. I choose to be here with my boy (and Josh and Flashlight of course!)
I share this to offer a glimpse inside of the world of infertility. There are elements of this journey that can continue to run the show if left unattended. But when we remember the trust in ourselves, we can move forward to a life that accepts this part of our story as a chapter, but not the main title.
I created a very special course a few years back called "Safe Support For The Infertility Process." Like the infertility process, bringing this course to life was a journey. Major gratitude goes to those who keep nudging me forward to keep this course alive. I had some (more) healing to do before I brought it back to life but I know now is the right time.
You can register for this course at a premium as a clinic library. The information is evergreen and provides instructors and movers with perspective surrounding an infertility diagnosis and the movement considerations throughout the treatments that go with it. I wish you a week full of trust for yourself and the journey you are on right now.
