Ditch The Doubt & Do It Anyway
Over the break, the fam and I took a much needed reprieve to the woods and Starved Rock State Park. If you're on social media at all, you may have seen the advertisements for Getaway Houses. These are basically tiny trailers that are tricked out on the inside as luxury campers. When I first suggested the idea, the boys we're doubtful. Then, I reminded them that I'm still recovering from the Guardians of the Galaxy ride that I went on with them at Disney last year and they were on board!
This was exactly the downtime and reconnection I needed. The Chicago winter has been particularly “winter-y” and I have found myself regularly struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder, which can amplify the inner-doubt-monster who lives in my brain. The grey, coupled with the buzz of the city let me know that it was time to GET OUTSIDE.
As we drove up a hill to the tiny trailer, I heard the disapproving voice of my son say “Mom. it’s a literal box. We’re staying here?” I responded “Just wait…” I could feel the pre-tween angst settle in. He had an idea of what it was going to be like and the picture didn’t fit the idea in his head. He was worried he wouldn’t be satisfied and I get that. But I knew the lack of wifi and the cute interior would do the job it was intended - to bring us back to us.
I completely understand the allure of a "tiny home" - especially one with a glass door shower. 🤩There's no place to hide from each other, communication is regular and after a few hours, you get used to being in each other's space. You might even remember that you're not, in fact a group of roommates who live in different rooms of the house, but that you truly belong to each other - you're a family.
As Jax entered the space & crawled into his top bunk, he exclaimed “Finally! A space that understands me!!! MOM - I CAN ACTUALLY VIBE UP HERE!!!” You all, I have no idea what that means, but I know exactly what that means, y’know? This kid… I just love him.
Over the next few days, we hiked in Starved Rock National Park. It’s important to note that the name of the park was derived from a battle between the US army and the Potawatomi Indians. During battle, the Indians retreated to the top of Starved Rock. They were surrounded by soldiers and the tale goes that they starved to death at the top to avoid battle below. As we hiked through the beauty of the sandstone cliffs, I thought about what it must have be like to be in the midst of the wonder of nature while suffering extreme hunger. It felt like the ultimate betrayal.
To be in the midst of wonder, knowing the tragedy that took place, surrounded us with a sense of reverence. Suddenly it was important to reflect on all of the beauty of this place while also noting the loss. Two things can be true at once, right? We noted “mouse ear plants,” waterfalls, moss sculptures and caves. We marveled at the structure of the sandstone as well as it’s fragility as it seemed to crumble under our fingers. We let ourselves be immersed in it all and we looked through each other’s eyes to see the elements that drew our attention.
At the bottom of one of our trails, Flashlight and Jax climbed into a cave. Flash took a second to sniff around and then bolted out. I would later find out that the cave they were in was the location of the Starved Rock Murders… you can’t make this up. Once again, beauty and tragedy. Marvel and grief. Miracles and unthinkable acts. It was emotionally overwhelming but I resolved to keep breathing and think about the moments of wonder that the souls who lost their lives must have experienced at some point in that place. I chose to look through their eyes at the beauty - not the horror. Sometimes that is the heaviest lift one can undertake.
As we sat around the campfire that night, we distinctly heard three, long howls. I quickly googled the sound - it was a grey wolf or wolves. YIKES. We retreated to our tiny home and locked the door. The beauty of their calls, the fear of their hunger. So many messages I felt strangely lucky to receive.
I left this trip knowing two truths:
1. Nature is beautiful and wonderful and I need more of it.
2. Life is fragile.
Walking away from this reprieve, I found myself hungry to move forward with some of the things that have previously felt too scary to put out in the world, namely LIVING MORE. I’m so aware of the fragility of this life that I won’t let the doubt snuff out it’s flame. It seems that there’s nothing more tragic than living a life unexplored and unfelt. But if we don’t try, we’ll never understand what simple wonders lie in wait for us.
Some like to say I have creative ADD, which is a problematic statement in and of itself. Some wonder how I source my passions, creations and work. Exploring my brain’s ideas is one of the ways that I LIVE OUT LOUD. It’s a commitment to feeling my way through this life - through the tragedies and the wonder. It all belongs. It’s all hard. It’s all part of the tapestry of our lives. And when we let these situations teach us, influence us and expand our perspective, I believe we are honoring them.
Is it time for you to live out loud-er through your work? Check out my upcoming course, Build Your Specialty Program we’re going to create some wonderful work together!
Enjoy some pics from our trip below.
Flash and I close to the site of the Starved Rock Murders (before we knew about them)
Me and my boy at the site of a waterfall in Starved Rock State Park
Sipping coffee in our tiny house.
Jax jumping over a stream with his walking stick ;)
